amberj’s writings

i cannot tie these knots tight enough
around my thoughts
consuming me, killing me
pushing me to my core
obnoxious bickering
fighting without words
my head is a cacophony of sickness
how could i ever forget
the words
the deafening words
endless wars
they never have ceased
even after all of these years
i still HATE her.him
i still know these wounds
i still FIGHT her.him
everyday
you do not cease in your judgments
my thoughts are enough to keep the pain alive
i do not want it
yet i crave it all the same.

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dust fills the cobwebs of the inner creases of my mind
of those times we shared, the awkwardness of emotions
the feelings of our breaths touching
two separate worlds now
never again
i never wanted it
neither did you
it just happened
and we live on
separately
forever.

the door is half way open
if you dare to step through
i cannot take the abuse
you silently consume
i push myself away
from the very thing i am
why you just step over it
like its all pretend
i dont force a smile
you put it their for me
i force my screams
but you silence them with laughter
i cannot help myself
i am not but only one person
stop the bleed
stop the cut
into my heart
your curse reveals
the ugly sickness you caused me